My friends, they love my intelligence
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
