Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize