Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
3pm strippers are depressing
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
