Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
