You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize