I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
