The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
