Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
