NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
