I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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