So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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