Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize