I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
