Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
