I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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