Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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