I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
