I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
