hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
