Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
