At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
