I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
