Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
