so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
