sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
