dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just gargled with NyQuil
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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