god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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