i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We had to coat check the pizza.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize