Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
