She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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