I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
