So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
