mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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