Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize