How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
