I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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