I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
