home. puking in laundry basket.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
