you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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