I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
