You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
