apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
