Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
