I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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