did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
