awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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