I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
farters have to be the big spoon...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
