Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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