She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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