I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
