South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize