You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
