they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
