I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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