you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize