I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
