No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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