Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
