I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
