His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
