It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
