we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
