My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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